I Can't Watch This - Weird Al Yankovic
(Parody of "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer)


I can't watch this. I can't watch this.
I can't watch this. I can't watch this. 

My my my my TV makes me so bored. Makes me say, "Oh, my Lord.
What is this garbage here?" Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears.
It sucks, and that's no lie. It's about as much fun as watching paint dry.
Lowers my IQ one notch and that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch. 

I told you, homeboy, I can't watch this.
Yea, nothin' but trash and you know I can't watch this.
Poke out my eyes, man, I can't watch this.
Yo, gimme that remote control, I can't watch this. 

Talkin' 'bout sick shows. There's America's Funniest Home Videos.
I can't believe my eyes when I see the kind of stuff that wins 1st prize.
Somebody's poor old mom falls down on the roof, lands right on the lawn.
Face first on a rake. I hear they got it on the seventeenth take.
That's funny as a kick in the crotch. And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch. 

Yo, I told you, I can't watch this.
Change the chanel, now, man, I can't watch this.
Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucka, I can't watch this. 

Cosby show and Rosanne. Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can.
Judge Wopner, oh my. You gotta be Rainman to like this guy.
Thirty-Something is alright if you like hearing Yuppies whinning all night.
Can't stand Twin Peaks. Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks.
Those Siskel and Ebert bums oughta go home 'n just sit on their thumbs. 

That's word, because you know, I can't watch this.
I can't watch this. Break it down. 

Here's how to order. Money-back guarantee.
Removes tough stains fast. Tastes more like fresh peanuts.
They keep going and going... Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Could be dandruff. our prices are insaaaane! 

Stop! Prime time. 

I'm pretty sure I'll be sick if I have to watch another stupid pet trick.
Or that guy with the real flat hair that goes "Woof woof woof" and waves his fist in the air.
Or those weird talk shows about transexual Nazi Eskimos.
They're rude, crude and vile. Just for a minute, let's flip down the dial. 

Flip, flip, flip, yecch. I can't watch this. 
Look, man, I can't watch this.
I can't take this torture no more, I can't, I can't watch this.
Pay the bills, Station break. Break it down. 

Operators are standing by. Cubic-zirconium necklace.
You're soaking in it. And our fabulous Swimsuit issue.
When you've got a headache THIS big. Read the book.
This is your brain on drugs. I've fallen and I can't get up. 

Stop! Cable time. 

HBO and Playboy. Showtime and MTV.
I might like 'em more after my lobotomy.
Now why did I ever pay for this junk? 
I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk.
Just brainless blood and guts and mindless T and A.
It's awful. It's putrid. It's crummy. It's stupid.
Gonna throw my set away. 

I can't watch this. I can't watch this. I can't watch this.
Yea, I can't watch this. I told you, can't watch this.
Too hip, can't watch this. Get me outta here, can't watch this.