OIL SPILL: Have you been following the news?

[Lagoon Bug]

"I can see brown water from my house"

[Masamune]

What I want to know is, why are they so quick to blame the President? He's pretty much told them to clean it up and quicky. Those idiots are dragging their feet trying to save as much oil as they can instead of just capping the damn thing and moving on. Greedy Asses.

[Frong]

What I want to know is, why are they so quick to blame the President? He's pretty much told them to clean it up and quicky.

Noooo no no. That's not the case at all. Obummer only told BP to clean things up after pretending the problem didn't exist for about a month, and even after acknowledging the scale of the disaster, he's remained utterly uninformed and has no idea what to do about it. On top of that, we've refused all offers of help from foreign nations, and for no apparent reason, the President has refused to let FEMA lend a hand, either. FEMA may have been ridiculed for its pathetic failure to properly deal with the Katrina aftermath, but people forget that they played a big part in the 9/11 cleanup efforts and were much more effective in doing so. They'd be able to coordinate the current shoreline oil containment resources far better than has been done to date, but instead, the normal chain of like four layers of bureaucracy persists. BP and the Gulf states have basically been told to fend for themselves, and as we've all seen, that's not exactly working too well.

Here's how the President's response SHOULD have gone. Right after he learned that the rig exploded, he should have sent officials down there to assess the situation. The second word got back to him that the safety mechanisms had all failed and that the well was uncontrollably leaking oil, this dialogue should have occurred:

"All right, gentlemen, we have a rogue oil well here. It is threatening the entire Gulf coast environment and economy. I want everyone with any resources whatsoever to handle this to report to me immediately."

"BP, get down there and plug that damned hole as fast as humanly possible. You're the ones with the deep-sea drilling equipment, not us, so you're the only ones equipped at the moment to try and close it off. Do not concern yourself with collecting the oil that's already been spilled, do not rule out any potential methods of plugging the hole, and do not consider the cost. This will cost you far more in the long run if you fail to get this under control RIGHT NOW. Just do whatever it takes. I repeat: WHATEVER IT TAKES."

"Coast Guard, FEMA. You have two jobs. 1) Get out to the coastlines and put every single barrier of every sort that you've got in place. I want the entire damned Gulf shore blocked off, if that's what it's going to take to keep that oil from reaching land. 2) Collect every drop of oil that you can. Get every piece of technology for this that BP can provide, then acquire as many additional machines as you can from everyone else. Unless it involves setting the entire ocean on fire, rule out nothing."

"Anyone else who wants to help, we welcome the assistance. The Jones Act and the normal chain of command will be temporarily suspended, and all foreign aid will be coordinated under one central authority. All private inventors with ideas for plugging the well, first go directly to BP. If you are completely ignored, come to us. We will force them to pay attention to you."

"Those are your orders. Understood? Now get out there and fix this! NOW!"

What actually happened is basically the exact opposite of that. All sides involved have been complete and total fail, which is why the friggin' hole is still open and cleanup efforts are projected to last into August. Presidents are supposed to be decisive leaders, and ours has been neither on this matter. That's not to give BP any leniency, mind you. They've been just as bad.

[Nakor]

Obligatory:

[Frong]

Ah yes, thanks for reminding me to catch up on Auto Tune the News. Somebody at my anime club just mentioned them a couple weeks ago, but by the time I got home, I forgot.

[Nakor]

Yes, you really need to. Number 11 and 12 were epic.

[Frong]

OK, so Farage's rant at the beginning of 11 is mind-bogglingly awesome. He basically writes off the entire nation of Belgium as a completely anonymous, meaningless non-entity with a representative who has the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk. This should go in Urban Dictionary under "epic burn."