INSTALL LOVE...

[soloist]

Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how <
>can I help you today?<
><
>Customer: Well, after much consideration,<
>I've decided to install love.<
>Can you guide me through the process?<
><
>CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. <
>Are you ready to proceed?<
><
>Customer: Well, I'm not very technical,<
>but I think I'm ready to install<
>now. What do I do first?<
><
>CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. <
>Have you located your HEART ma'am?<
><
>Customer: Yes I have, but there are<
>several other programs running right<
>now. Is it okay to install while they are running?<
><
>CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?<
><
>Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, <
>LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and<
>RESENTMENT.COM running right now.<
><
>CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually <
>erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your<
>current operating system. It may remain <
>in your permanent memory, but it<
>will no longer disrupt other programs. <
>LOVE will eventually overwrite<
>LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own <
>called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However,<
>you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE<
>and RESENTMENT.COM. Those<
>programs prevent LOVE from being properly <
>installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?<
><
>Customer: I don't know how to turn <
>them off. Can you tell me how?<
><
>CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu<
>and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do<
>this as many times as necessary until <
>GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have<
>been completely erased.<
><
>Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started <
>installing itself automatically. Is that normal?<
><
>CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message |<
>that says it will reinstall for<
>the life of your HEART. <
>Do you see that message?<
><
>Customer: Yes I do.<
>Is it completely installed?<
><
>CS Rep: Yes, but remember that<
>you have only the base program. You need to<
>begin connecting to other Heart's<
>in order to get the upgrades.<
><
>Customer: Oops. I have an error<
>message already. What should I do?<
><
>CS Rep: What does the message say?<
><
>Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM <
>NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."<
>What does that mean?<
><
>CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a <
>common problem. It means that the LOVE<
>program is set up to run on external <
>HEARTS but has not yet been run on<
>your HEART. It is one of those<
>complicated programming things, but in<
>non-technical terms it means you have <
>to "LOVE" your own machine before it<
>can "LOVE" others.<
><
>Customer: So what should I do?<
><
>CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory<
>called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?<
><
>Customer: Yes, I have it.<
><
>CS Rep: Excellent. <
>You're getting good at this.<
><
>Customer: Thank you.<
><
>CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the <
>following files and then copy them to<
>the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC,<
>REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and<
>ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. <
>The system will overwrite any conflicting<
>files and begin patching any programming. <
>Also, you need to delete<
>SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories,<
>and to make sure it is completely<
>gone and never comes back, <
>you will need to empty your recycle bin.<
><
>Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is<
>filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is<
>playing on my monitor right now<
>and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and<
>CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves <
>all over my HEART. Is this normal?<
><
>C Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes <
>a while, but eventually everything<
>gets downloaded at the proper time. <
>So, LOVE is installed and running. You<
>should be able to handle it from here. <
>One more thing before I go.<
><
>Customer: Yes?<
><
>CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to <
>give it and its various modules to<
>everybody you meet. They will in turn <
>share it with other people and they<
>will return some similarly<
>cool modules back to you.<
><
>Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. <
>By the way, what's your name?<
><
>CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, <
>also known as The Great<
>Physician. Most people feel all they <
>need is an annual checkup to stay<
>heart-healthy, but the manufacturer<
>suggests a schedule of daily<
>maintenance for maximum efficiency.<
> <i></i>

[Nakor BlueRider]

<
><
>But truthfully... I could have sworn you've posted this before... Mission: Microtrash<
><
>In the mission to rid himself completely of all things Microsoft, Nakor is:<
><
>0%<
><
><i></i>

[soloist]

Laughs! Not that I reme-<
>mber; though I did <
>post the GIRL-<
>FRIEND o-<
>ne bef-<
>ore. <i></i>

[Nakor BlueRider]

Ah, that would be what I remember then. Mission: Microtrash<
><
>In the mission to rid himself completely of all things Microsoft, Nakor is:<
><
>0%<
><
><i></i>

[frog hopping kilik]

This reminds me vaguely of these things I saw from this guy at school that were sort of like technical geek versions of how to do simple things, like making chocolate chip cookies. All the ingredients were said in their chemical forms and stuff. <
><b>The Demented Cartoon Movie Page!<
>Zany Video Game Quotes</b><
>~Self-Appointed Roundtable Minister of Zeeky and SECURITE~<
><b>"Always talk to everyone at least twice. Everyone hates you, and therefore they never tell you the most important crap the first time you talk to them."</b><
>If the above words are not scrolling, you are probably using<
><
>Which means j00 are also a looney.<i></i>

[HiRider]

Some people come up with the weirdest things... Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam!<
>Translation:Give me all the money or I will fling an enormous rock at your head!<
><
><
>Click here for Wav of the Month<
>Blah Blah Round Table Comics are HERE<
>Listen to the Theme of Outlaw Star<i></i>

[NOAImawario]

LOL Pretty funny... hehe <i></i>

[Ingrid]

<i></i>