I'm dealing with it now. I don't want it to happen but my now ex g/f is going through with it the first week of Jan. She is 6-8 weeks along and I have done everything to talk her out of it.
I feel she is being so damn selfish for the reasons she is giving me and not giving a child a chance at life. I've went as far as totally blocking her out of my phone and facebook so she has no way to contact me unless she comes by,which I know she won't do.
It's really taking a huge toll on me mentally that this is happening to me. Nothing anyone can say will make it better. I told my parents tonight but got no reaction out of them.
How can someone do such a thing?
I am sending her some money to cover the cost against my will because of the cost and tome it's dirty money. I feel like I am living with blood on my hands now.
What's your opinion on abortion?
What's your opinion on abortion?
You thought you'd get away, but Karma made its move
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
-
coffeehound
- Duke
- Posts: 3049
- Location: California
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
This is such a hard subject, Shawn. I really don't know how I would react if I were in the same situation. I suspect that those who
care about you will have difficulty offering advice as there are arguments here that could go on forever without agreement. I do
believe that your ex girlfriend is acting within her legal rights. Therefore, there is no sense in blaming yourself for her decision.
You are blessed with a son and a daughter. Hug them tonight.
care about you will have difficulty offering advice as there are arguments here that could go on forever without agreement. I do
believe that your ex girlfriend is acting within her legal rights. Therefore, there is no sense in blaming yourself for her decision.
You are blessed with a son and a daughter. Hug them tonight.
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
After I posted I sit and thought more about it. It's a very touchy subject. There is no right or wrong and legally I have no way to stop her from doing it.coffeehound wrote:This is such a hard subject, Shawn. I really don't know how I would react if I were in the same situation. I suspect that those who
care about you will have difficulty offering advice as there are arguments here that could go on forever without agreement. I do
believe that your ex girlfriend is acting within her legal rights. Therefore, there is no sense in blaming yourself for her decision.
You are blessed with a son and a daughter. Hug them tonight.
I do feel I over reacted on her and did call her and talked to her about it. I think it went ok and I did tell her I would do what ever I could to make things easier for her and that I would not give her anymore problems about it. I am partially to blame for this happening and want to handle it the adult way. We did agree to that and she is letting me be around for that part.
It will be tough to go through but I feel I owe it to her.
As far as our relationship goes,we are done for. I can't be with someone who can do such a thing and I do not support it only in cases of rape,birth defects or mothers health is at risk.
Sorry if anyone is offended by my post,I just feel that a lot people here can offer me great advice like in the past and we are all part of a family here.
You thought you'd get away, but Karma made its move
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
So are we to assume that it's your kid, then? If it is, I should think you'd have some say in the matter, but I suppose it is ultimately her decision to make as an adult. I don't agree with her choice, either, but you're right in that there's nothing you can do about it. Don't let it weigh on you forever.
As far as abortion goes, my stance is pretty much the same as yours. I only condone traditional abortion in instances of rape, incest, or the mother's life being at serious risk. Beyond that, it's simply an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for your own actions, and essentially amounts to murder. I'm not sure about cases of birth defects, because I'm not sure how many birth defects can be detected early enough for abortion to still be morally acceptable. If it takes too long to diagnose them, the child will already be too developed and you'd basically be killing a baby, like with late-term abortions (which, by the way, are utterly despicable). I suppose if science could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that an embryo had an immediately fatal birth defect (i.e. one that would kill it very shortly after birth) and it was not late term yet, I might condone aborting it. That's a big if, though. If you make any mistake in diagnosis whatsoever, you end up killing a healthy or non-terminal baby.
The only other caveat to my position is that I approve of the morning-after pill, because I don't believe that life begins at conception - I believe that life begins when an embyro's first neuron fires. After all, don't we count people as officially dead when their brains quit working? Your heart stopping certainly doesn't make you dead, or no one would bother with defibrillators. The morning after being fertilized, a zygote is still a ball of undifferentiated cells, no different than a clump of random tissue cells. It doesn't have a heart, a brain, lungs, or any other human features yet; all it has is potential. Sure, if allowed to progress normally, it'll develop those things, but just the specialized cells that build them won't show up for about three weeks, let alone the actual organs. So if a zygote on the morning after fertilization doesn't have any of the distinguishing features of a human being other than some DNA, why should I affix a soul to it and consider it murder to kill it? Potential alone does not a human make. Anyway, That's my two cents on the morning-after pill.
As far as abortion goes, my stance is pretty much the same as yours. I only condone traditional abortion in instances of rape, incest, or the mother's life being at serious risk. Beyond that, it's simply an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for your own actions, and essentially amounts to murder. I'm not sure about cases of birth defects, because I'm not sure how many birth defects can be detected early enough for abortion to still be morally acceptable. If it takes too long to diagnose them, the child will already be too developed and you'd basically be killing a baby, like with late-term abortions (which, by the way, are utterly despicable). I suppose if science could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that an embryo had an immediately fatal birth defect (i.e. one that would kill it very shortly after birth) and it was not late term yet, I might condone aborting it. That's a big if, though. If you make any mistake in diagnosis whatsoever, you end up killing a healthy or non-terminal baby.
The only other caveat to my position is that I approve of the morning-after pill, because I don't believe that life begins at conception - I believe that life begins when an embyro's first neuron fires. After all, don't we count people as officially dead when their brains quit working? Your heart stopping certainly doesn't make you dead, or no one would bother with defibrillators. The morning after being fertilized, a zygote is still a ball of undifferentiated cells, no different than a clump of random tissue cells. It doesn't have a heart, a brain, lungs, or any other human features yet; all it has is potential. Sure, if allowed to progress normally, it'll develop those things, but just the specialized cells that build them won't show up for about three weeks, let alone the actual organs. So if a zygote on the morning after fertilization doesn't have any of the distinguishing features of a human being other than some DNA, why should I affix a soul to it and consider it murder to kill it? Potential alone does not a human make. Anyway, That's my two cents on the morning-after pill.
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
If a kid's going to be born into poverty and the mother doesn't want to or can't afford to keep it, she should give it up for adoption (in cases other than rape, incest or serious risk to the mother, obviously). Don't screw the kid out of a chance at life just because its biological parents were too stupid, too horny, or too careless to be responsible adults.
By the way, the only reason I pick the point when an embryo's first neurons fire as the point when it counts as human is because people who are counted as braindead but still alive don't have any conscious thought, either. They have just enough brain functionality to keep their vital physical functions running, but that's about it. That's not unlike an embryo with a newly-formed brain that hasn't developed any sort of consciousness yet. As for when that point occurs, it's impossible to pinpoint it. This is exactly why I only approve of the morning-after pill and not of first or second-month abortions in general.
By the way, the only reason I pick the point when an embryo's first neurons fire as the point when it counts as human is because people who are counted as braindead but still alive don't have any conscious thought, either. They have just enough brain functionality to keep their vital physical functions running, but that's about it. That's not unlike an embryo with a newly-formed brain that hasn't developed any sort of consciousness yet. As for when that point occurs, it's impossible to pinpoint it. This is exactly why I only approve of the morning-after pill and not of first or second-month abortions in general.
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
Some really good feedback and I know I should not feel guilty about it but I am and will be for some time to come.
I have talked to her more in hopes of changing her mind and going full term and giving the baby to me or up for adoption. Still,she is not budging.
She says it is not bothering her about doing it but yet she is acting a bit strange and crying a lot after we talk. I really don't know what to think.What is it that could be bothering her so
badly that every time we have talked she feels this way.Our relationship was almost perfect,not really anything I didn't like about her and vice versa and all the kids got along just fine.
Frong,I'll admit that we were too stupid,horny and careless at times. It was those few times we were careless that made this happen. I'm 100% sure the baby is mine and would not doubt that. She isn't the type of person to go cheat and sleep around with others. It took us 4 months of talking and going out while the kids were in school before we even got serious,and that took a lot of talking on my part to happen.She is a very thick headed person. Past relationships we both have had was the main reason for waiting so long to get serious and take things slow,but after I got to know her as well as I did,I knew I wanted to be with her and stop doing what I was at the time we started talking. I don't regret the relationship,it was how it ended is what I regret. It could of and should of been avoided.
She will be around 10-11 weeks into pregnancy when she has it done. After 12 weeks and 6 days,a clinic can no longer perform an abortion in the clinic and it has to be done in the hospital after that.
Thanks everyone for the support and advice given to me without it turning ugly here. It's so touchy of a subject to bring up but I know there are people here who are very level headed and not jaded that could help me with this. I do feel better then I did when I first found out but I will never forget this horrible chapter of my life. I have had so many bad things happen and just when I think things are getting better,something goes wrong.
I have talked to her more in hopes of changing her mind and going full term and giving the baby to me or up for adoption. Still,she is not budging.
She says it is not bothering her about doing it but yet she is acting a bit strange and crying a lot after we talk. I really don't know what to think.What is it that could be bothering her so
badly that every time we have talked she feels this way.Our relationship was almost perfect,not really anything I didn't like about her and vice versa and all the kids got along just fine.
Frong,I'll admit that we were too stupid,horny and careless at times. It was those few times we were careless that made this happen. I'm 100% sure the baby is mine and would not doubt that. She isn't the type of person to go cheat and sleep around with others. It took us 4 months of talking and going out while the kids were in school before we even got serious,and that took a lot of talking on my part to happen.She is a very thick headed person. Past relationships we both have had was the main reason for waiting so long to get serious and take things slow,but after I got to know her as well as I did,I knew I wanted to be with her and stop doing what I was at the time we started talking. I don't regret the relationship,it was how it ended is what I regret. It could of and should of been avoided.
She will be around 10-11 weeks into pregnancy when she has it done. After 12 weeks and 6 days,a clinic can no longer perform an abortion in the clinic and it has to be done in the hospital after that.
Thanks everyone for the support and advice given to me without it turning ugly here. It's so touchy of a subject to bring up but I know there are people here who are very level headed and not jaded that could help me with this. I do feel better then I did when I first found out but I will never forget this horrible chapter of my life. I have had so many bad things happen and just when I think things are getting better,something goes wrong.
You thought you'd get away, but Karma made its move
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
It's worth noting that, in the case of braindead humans, the family is allowed to decide whether to shut off the life support. That isn't really dissimilar to the abortion case, except for the potential of life, which is no different than the potential for life at the moment of conception.Frong wrote:If a kid's going to be born into poverty and the mother doesn't want to or can't afford to keep it, she should give it up for adoption (in cases other than rape, incest or serious risk to the mother, obviously). Don't screw the kid out of a chance at life just because its biological parents were too stupid, too horny, or too careless to be responsible adults.
By the way, the only reason I pick the point when an embryo's first neurons fire as the point when it counts as human is because people who are counted as braindead but still alive don't have any conscious thought, either. They have just enough brain functionality to keep their vital physical functions running, but that's about it. That's not unlike an embryo with a newly-formed brain that hasn't developed any sort of consciousness yet. As for when that point occurs, it's impossible to pinpoint it. This is exactly why I only approve of the morning-after pill and not of first or second-month abortions in general.
Also, the condition of many orphanages bothers me too. I wonder whether it would really be any better of a life there than elsewhere. Certainly there are good ones, but many bad ones as well. And if we were to theoretically ban abortions past week one or two, and somehow prevent people from attempting self-induced abortion (which happens with scary frequency where abortion is illegal or unavailable) we would only end up swamping the orphanages all that much more and giving them more to handle than they could.
@Shawn:
Yeah, it's not something you can just move past so easily. But just remember that you aren't guilty even if the feeling of guilt takes a while to fade off. It's seriously amazing the amount of crap you've had to go through and you're still managing to pull through.
-
Diabolique
- Da Queen
- Posts: 11682
- Location: Da DIB Dungeon
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
I agree with everyone else in that you've done your part to offer other options to her, so you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Sure you feel this could have been prevented & that upsets you, but at least you've done all you could, so try to find comfort & peace in that. If she's not up to carrying, giving birth and assuming a lifelong commitment to care for that child, then I think it's best to accept her decision.
Hang in there, Shawn. Wishing you lots of strength and peace to endure this trying time.
Well, she's acting emotional because her hormones are all over the place due to the pregnancy.Shawn wrote:She says it is not bothering her about doing it but yet she is acting a bit strange and crying a lot after we talk. I really don't know what to think.What is it that could be bothering her so badly that every time we have talked she feels this way
Hang in there, Shawn. Wishing you lots of strength and peace to endure this trying time.
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
Oh, I know. I'd just worry that if there were that many more people going to orphanages, they'd have to start turning people away. It'd be a pretty sad situation if every orphanage was full, and there started to be none that children could go to.
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
If adoption was considered I would make sure that it was adopted out instead of going to an orphanage.We'd have until August to make sure that good parents were found and that it was all done legally.
I haven't talked to her in the last few days and really don't want to until it's time to go.
We were careless and stupid to not use protection every time to avoid this from happening and I knew I should of like I have always in the past,even if the woman can't get pregnant and was surgically altered to not have any children.I was always careful. I let my guard down with this one.I'll never do that again.
Thanks for all the support and I'll get by and eventually be ok to live with her choice but without her being around.
BTW the orphanages around here are so full thanks to the meth heads that the state is begging people to foster children.
I haven't talked to her in the last few days and really don't want to until it's time to go.
We were careless and stupid to not use protection every time to avoid this from happening and I knew I should of like I have always in the past,even if the woman can't get pregnant and was surgically altered to not have any children.I was always careful. I let my guard down with this one.I'll never do that again.
Thanks for all the support and I'll get by and eventually be ok to live with her choice but without her being around.
BTW the orphanages around here are so full thanks to the meth heads that the state is begging people to foster children.
You thought you'd get away, but Karma made its move
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
-
soloist
- Commanding Knight
- Posts: 13697
- Location: no single region (specified or otherwise) permanently captivates this apparition...
- Contact:
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
A very touchy topic indeed. Not only that, but depending on
the person and the complexity of their situations, it can
become even more of a difficult ordeal to tend to. M-
y opinion on abortion is as stated: Children are ou-
r way to relive ourselves through other eyes an-
d they are an extension of ourselves, so pre-
servation is the immediate thought. How-
ever, for the ill-prepared, this child ca-
n suffer immeasurably and ultimate-
ly not given a fair chance. But at
the same time, having such a
difficult upbringing can ma-
ke the child stronger an-
d more determined n-
ot to let their child-
ren suffer in suc-
h a way. This
is why it d-
epends
on w-
hat eac-
h person is
ready to acce-
pt and be respon-
sible for. I wish I had
a more concrete opinion
to aid your decision, Shawn,
but unfortunately, I do not. I on-
ly hope that you both think it throug-
h thoroughly before actualizing those tho-
ughts... because it will be something that you
both will have to live the rest of your lives with, a-
nd as long as you both are sure of the decision, it will n-
ot be the wrong one; in spite of what others may think of it.
the person and the complexity of their situations, it can
become even more of a difficult ordeal to tend to. M-
y opinion on abortion is as stated: Children are ou-
r way to relive ourselves through other eyes an-
d they are an extension of ourselves, so pre-
servation is the immediate thought. How-
ever, for the ill-prepared, this child ca-
n suffer immeasurably and ultimate-
ly not given a fair chance. But at
the same time, having such a
difficult upbringing can ma-
ke the child stronger an-
d more determined n-
ot to let their child-
ren suffer in suc-
h a way. This
is why it d-
epends
on w-
hat eac-
h person is
ready to acce-
pt and be respon-
sible for. I wish I had
a more concrete opinion
to aid your decision, Shawn,
but unfortunately, I do not. I on-
ly hope that you both think it throug-
h thoroughly before actualizing those tho-
ughts... because it will be something that you
both will have to live the rest of your lives with, a-
nd as long as you both are sure of the decision, it will n-
ot be the wrong one; in spite of what others may think of it.
Soloist can only be experienced - for one's perception determines which of his attributes are displayed...
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
Thanks Soloist.I think I stated above I was more then against it but she is going to do it either way,made the appt today to go next Monday to do it.soloist wrote:A very touchy topic indeed. Not only that, but depending on
the person and the complexity of their situations, it can
become even more of a difficult ordeal to tend to. M-
y opinion on abortion is as stated: Children are ou-
r way to relive ourselves through other eyes an-
d they are an extension of ourselves, so pre-
servation is the immediate thought. How-
ever, for the ill-prepared, this child ca-
n suffer immeasurably and ultimate-
ly not given a fair chance. But at
the same time, having such a
difficult upbringing can ma-
ke the child stronger an-
d more determined n-
ot to let their child-
ren suffer in suc-
h a way. This
is why it d-
epends
on w-
hat eac-
h person is
ready to acce-
pt and be respon-
sible for. I wish I had
a more concrete opinion
to aid your decision, Shawn,
but unfortunately, I do not. I on-
ly hope that you both think it throug-
h thoroughly before actualizing those tho-
ughts... because it will be something that you
both will have to live the rest of your lives with, a-
nd as long as you both are sure of the decision, it will n-
ot be the wrong one; in spite of what others may think of it.
I've taken it hard and not ready to live with this choice she has made. She wants to be together after and I don't feel that would be healthy for me to be with someone who didn't give my child a chance to live.
We have to drive 2 hours to get to the place 1 way and I can almost bet the car ride home is not going to be nice,doubt the drive there will be any better. I'd rather choose adoption rather then abortion. I know I am unable to afford another child but would if that is what I was faced with.I'd make it work somehow. I'm just not given that chance.
I can't forgive her,even though her reasons are valid,I can't do it. I've tried.
Thanks.
You thought you'd get away, but Karma made its move
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
I'm wondering why you've even agreed to drive her there at all. Let her get there on her own if she wants to go killing her own kid. 
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
To know she didn't back out and I have a child running around that I don't know of. It's not going to be easy and know it will be a quiet ride there and back. I see my therapist today and we talked about it.He can see the rage in me and that I don't like this a bit and is kind of scared I will do something because of everything I have already been through.Frong wrote:I'm wondering why you've even agreed to drive her there at all. Let her get there on her own if she wants to go killing her own kid.
I'm not looking forward to it. She wants to change the date again and prolong it longer,I think she is out to make my life hell now. She knows it is bothering me.I haven't talked to her today and probably won't be talking to her again until after Christmas so I can at least try to enjoy it with the kids.
You thought you'd get away, but Karma made its move
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
The bad things that you've done, will be coming back for you
It's really sad that we're at the end, but my heart won't let me feel
No sympathy or pain for the outcome you've ensued...Queensrÿche 2013
Re: What's your opinion on abortion?
Would it be possible for you to check with the abortion clinic afterward to make sure she actually went through with the process? Then you wouldn't have to drive her there and back.